Bob Burg is the best-selling author of “The Go-Giver” book series, He is also a leading authority on influence and referral marketing.
In this talkshow with Marie Forleo, he discussed some of the best tips about influences and manipulation, some bonus tips about how to communicate with empathy and kindness.
On our daily life, sometimes we would get across those people that you want to persuade or influence to do certain things for us, but in reality, things are not always in our control and we have to do that in a way that is not only beneficial for us and for them as well.
It is imperative to know that things go out of hand all the time, there are some people who hurt us, make us feel like crap and we are more likely to take things so personally, making the stories about them, or having the tantrum for their such bad behaviors, etc. So before you react to things like that, knowing how to control your emotions is vitally important.
CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, you know what you should say or not, don’t just go all in wit your emotions and the consequences you get is hard to bear, so think before you say something.
The tip here is before you say something back to the person who hurt you, just picture in your mind how would your reaction to that person could lead to severe consequences for both of you, will the situation be better or worsen, rehearse that picture a few times and then you will figure out the solution. At that time, surely you will be calmer and behave properly to avoid bad consequences when you say mindless words in the midst of anger, revenge and resentments.
UNDERSTAND THE CLASH OF BELIEF SYSTEMS is a subjective truth. Basically, our belief system is unconscious and we are not aware of them on a day-to-day basis.
Our beliefs are made up of your environment, upbringing, how to we interact with others at younger age, etc. In other words, everyone comes from different belief system, paradigms and models, or they have their own subjective truth based on their own interpretation about the world.
Our job isn’t necessarily understand their belief system because sometimes they don’t understand their own belief system as well due to the fact that it is unconscious and it affected by a myriad of factors from their pasts, they don’t even recognize. We just respect that and therefore create a context for a mutual win-win of both sides.
For example, when someone says something that we think that is ridiculous and weird at first, or saying something hurtful to you, don’t just take things personally or personalize things, or just asked yourself: “Why would they do that? I don’t understand why they did what they did?” Stop and just understand that it isn’t all about you, it has something to do with that unconscious way of that person in seeing the world or their belief systems.
There are certain types of people who did crazy things to you, doing something that are even hurtful to them or doing something which is counterproductive, when witnessing those experiences you just couldn’t wrap your head around it, but just try to understand that their ego has taken over, it has clouded their mind so they couldn’t control their actions. When you were put in a situation like this, just be calm and make that person genuinely good, heard and seen, try to get stay open and get curious why they do what they do, be empathetic. Everything would be okay in the end because all attack is a call for love.
And also of importance, when someone did something wrong to you, just communicate with empathy and tact. Just try to understand they’re feeling something, and help them get out of that. Do it in a way that not making them feel defensive and resistant to that, sometimes you have to criticize someone, constructively in a reality world, not a fantasy one, so knowing how to communicate diplomatically and think before you say something is the best way to go.
=>>Watch in full episode: https://bit.ly/3adRw17
Summarized and Written by Tuyet Son
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