There are some good insights that I learned from the discussion between Marie Forleo and Bréne Brown about one of the most important topic in the world: HOW TO BE YOUR MOST COURAGEOUS SELF.
For those of you guys haven’t known Bréne Brown before, Bréne Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.
She has spent her career studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of five #1 New York Times best sellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership.
Brown’s TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 35 million views. She is also the first person to have a filmed talk available on Netflix. The Call to Courage special debuted on the streaming service on April 19, 2019.
🔑The first insight I pulled from the talk show is: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ARMOR & DARING LEADERSHIP.
The difference between two of those styles of leadership is how they lean into fear and how they show up when facing difficult situations or challenges. Most of the fear that leaders face is fear of failure and perfectionism. These are most common and when those kinds of fear show up, the armor leadership style will use an excuse of perfectionism to armor up, or in other words, to protect themselves. We can say that perfectionism is the most deadly excuse for everyone in doing something from the beginning, they use perfectionism to delay their tasks and wait until the right time to do things, all we all know that “ the right time” isn’t gonna happen.
👉Armor leaders are those who are afraid of fears, uncertainty and vulnerability. When bad things happen, they retreat and they use excuses such as perfectionism to armor up or to avoid solving things.
👉Daring leaders are those who know the fears are always there, and they lean into it anyway, they aren’t afraid or scared, they just enter the unknown and figure out what is going on to solve problems with their teams.
The only difference here is how each leader shows up in the midst of chaos and fear.
Even though it is all about leadership, but it all applies to every person as well. The way you show up in front of fear defines who you are. Are you afraid to go into the fear and figure out what is going on, or are you brave enough to “weather the storm” and enter to the unknown? It is your choice. Don’t use excuses to armor yourself up, that isn’t going to make things better, just acknowledge the fears and do something about it to lighten up the situation.
🔑The second insight: STAY OPEN & CURIOUS DURING HARD CONVERSATIONS.
Mostly during hard conversations such as talking about your most concerns in your relationship with your spouse, having to let someone go in an organization because of the incompatibility, or having to address sensitive problems with your family members in terms of their behaviors and personality traits, etc. Those topics are really difficult to bring to the table and express how you feel to the counterparts since to some extent, you will be breaking your relationships with them, you will be afraid they would get upset and hurt from your words, or even worse, they will leave you and never forgive you for what you said.
Even though those hard conversations are all avoided to the least, but it is so IMPERATIVE to communicate, imagine if those topics haven’t communicated yet to the other person, the consequences would be much more worse and serious than you ever thought. Just imagine if you don’t show to your spouse that you have been very depressed and sad because of his actions these days, he may not know and he would continue to hurt you, or if you set the boundaries with those who keep crossing the boundaries with you such as keeping checking your smart phones without asking your permission, or keep teasing you in front of your colleagues, you need to tell them upfront and put a brake immediately. Letting them continue their mindless action doesn’t do any good for both you and them.
Stay open and curious mean that when talking about those hard topics, you get curious about why they do what they do, in other words, you try to understand what is behind their actions, you want to have compassion for them, and a very nice way to say that you are not taking things personally and seriously. You find the root cause first and then solve the problems bit by bit.
The key here is to STAY CALM, DON’T OFFEND, and BE PATIENT and believe that EVERYTHING IS FIGUREOUTABLE.
🔑Third insight: EMBRACE THE SUCK AND LEAN INTO VULNERABILITY.
There is one example I love a lot which is having to let someone go in a company, or in other words, having to fire them. It is very tough and hard decision to make, but you have to do it anyway. You as a leader would be very vulnerable, emotional when having to fire them since they’re not the right fit for the company, but just look at that kind of act is a loving way to let them go and let them look for the environment that fits them more. You are not doing that because of the company’s benefits, but for them to have a better environment to thrive and foster their potentials to the fullest. Even though the conversation would be difficult and tough, but it is NECESSARY. Brave leaders lean into the vulnerability and communicate directly anyway despite of the hard feelings because they know they’re doing the right thing.
=>Watch in full episode: https://bit.ly/2WAQoRm
Summarized and Written by Tuyet Son
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#brenebrown
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